Becoming a “Bonus” Mom…

the-girls-and-iAs a little girl growing up I always dreamt of getting married and having kids of my own. I wanted to be a Mom more than anything and I still do. However, God has a funny way of giving you a life even better than the one you imagined. After all, what little girl grows up thinking “Gosh, someday I really want to be a step mom” It was never my thought but certainly my blessing.

When I met Brody I knew he had two beautiful little girls who were his life. When you start dating in your late thirties you start to realize that most men by that age will already have children of their own. Knowing Brody had kids never bothered me or scared me, in fact I was excited about it. Being in my late 30’s there was always that possibility I may never get to have a biological child of my own, so to have the opportunity to have the possibility of having two bonus daughters was a blessing and still allowed me to experience motherhood.

From the beginning the girls welcomed me with open arms. I was lucky, they were never mean to me or gave me the cold shoulder. I knew from having experience from my friends that have went through divorce that this was certainly a possibility. That they could think I was trying to replace their mother or be someone I was not. I wasn’t there to replace their mother and never would be. They have a fantastic Mom whom they love dearly. I was there to be an extension of that love, to be part of their life and to love them without titles, or a reason why, just to love them.

People ask me all the time if being a step mom is going to be hard. If always being second best will hurt me. I guess I never look at it that way. I don’t like to say I am a “step” mom, I like to say I am their “bonus” mom. I think that reflects more of my vision. I am someone who has been placed in their life to love them and love their Dad unconditionally. I don’t feel second best because I can’t compare myself to their Mother. Their Mom is their Mom. No one can ever replace that nor should anyone try. Showing the kids my respect and support for their relationship with their Mom only make our bond even tighter. Being a bonus Mom is a privilege and the day I stand up and say my vows to their Dad I will also be saying vows to the them. I will vow to love them unconditionally, to not be upset to come in second place, to never try to replace anyone but just to love them and to be there for them. To be an important person in their life they can always count on. To be their friend and someone they can look up too and trust. I can’t promise I will always be perfect and that I won’t make mistakes, but I can promise to always be someone who believes in them, who is proud of them and who thinks the world of them.

I can only hope they will not only hear those vows but they will see and feel my love throughout the years. That they will know I don’t take the role of being a “bonus” Mom lightly. I hope they know how blessed I am that their Dad chose me to love and to love his them. And never for one minute will I take for granted what a privilege it is to get to love all three of them. Cheers!

***Photo by Life Art Photographs

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Tara Lynn Harms is a lifestyle blogger from Iowa. Tara Lynn created her blog as a way to share her personal story about life after 40 and all the adventures that come a long with it. Her blog is a mixed bag of posts about her blended family, lifestyle, fashion, beauty, fitness and healthy living, travel and everyday life. She recently was married to her husband Brody and gained two beautiful stepdaughters. She is the proud owner of two English Bulldogs. Follow along with her as she documents her life after 40. Feel free to contact her with any questions or collaborations.

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